TomT wrote on Jul 4^th, 2019 at 10:00pm:


I like that idea.  I have wanted my ashes scattered in Cherokee Lake, but I suspect the bios urn would appeal more to my grandchildren than the idea of random scattering.  And I have no longer any belief that they would go all the way to Cherokee together, so perhaps they could find a nice site on an entry-level lake and bury a small urn like that.

My father was the first in my family to be cremated, but he is buried beside my mother.  Cemeteries don't bother me a bit--we live right across the road from a really pretty old-fashioned small-town cemetery and I sometimes go over there to walk.  But I have never wanted to be embalmed, viewed in "repose", and buried in a big heavy casket like all of my, and my husband's relatives.  No one in Spartan1's family has ever been cremated, so when the time comes for one or both of us, we will be "breaking ground" in a sense by whatever we do.

This is, perhaps an odd place to share my story, but in light of your last post, TomT, I am going to do so, and try to make it short.

I have a dear cousin with whom I have had a daily email correspondence for more than three years.  She is younger than I, in her late 60's.  She had a "best friend" all through high school and they were roommates for a year at college.  Very, very close.  I get that.  Her friend died after a battle with metastacized breast cancer, perhaps 10-12 years ago.  A sad turn of events.

She visits Jean's grave several times a year, and when she did so the last time (it was on the "anniversary" of Jean's death) she told me that she left flowers and also chocolate, because "Jean loved chocolate." 

When I responded to her email I said that I didn't understand leaving food at a cemetery by a grave.  It seems to me just a way to feed the critters, not to mention a dog that might happen by and get sick from injesting the chocolate.  It isn't like Jean, wherever you believe she is now, can enjoy this chocolate.   

This has caused a rift between me and my friend.  I am learning now that being open and frank about your ideas concerning death is a way to offend some people very quickly.  It is such a personal thing, and I guess if I don't understand it, that is irrelevant.  But I keep wondering--do people really do that??  Do they leave food offerings at cemeteries?  Is this normal and I have just never heard of it?

My cousin says she was "honoring" her friend. 

To me, once you have left this world, your body is an empty shell.  Just something to be disposed of.  I will have a new body in Heaven, hopefully a lot better than this one.     I don't want anyone "viewing" me in a casket. (that is what they call it where my husband grew up, a "viewing")  I have always prefered to say "visitation", since I go to those functions to speak with the family, not to look at the body.

I have been told that Catholics do not approve of scattering remains; they believe that the body must still be intact when interred.  That is why I made the comment about the bio-urn appealing to our grandchildren more, since our granddaughter is a Catholic.  I just need to hope that they would be willing to travel to the BWCA to honor "my" request.  Realistically, I guess I will have absolutely no control about what happens to me after I am gone.  Obviously, if I go first, Spartan1 knows about my wishes and I am sure he will see to it properly.

Sp2,

  I was raised Catholic but no longer practice the faith or any established faith for that matter.

I don't consider myself religious but I do believe in a Higher Power and some sort of afterlife.

The Catholic Church has changed its church laws on how the faithful should be interned. They even allow cremation now BUT under their rules. They still don't allow your ashes to be scattered in a special place.

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I have a friend who every year on her Mother's Birthday brings some fresh baked Peanut Butter cookies to her mother's grave. She leaves them on top of some fresh cut flowers. I asked her about it and she said they loved to bake together and those were her favorite cookies. She like your friend didn't see it as being "odd" at all.

  The more we talked the more I came to realize her gesture was LESS about doing something for her Mother and more about doing something for her.
She missed her Mother and their times together. Those cookies were just her way of making sure she never forgot them.

I think your cousin might be doing the same with that chocolate? I'm a practical person too BUT with things that are emotion-driven, I've sadly learned from speaking rationally about them, you end up causing problems you never meant too.

As you said, matters of life and death are very personal and honesty isn't always the best policy when your views don't match someone else's. I've learned that the hard way with family members.

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I think that Bio-Urn might be a good compromise IF your kin has some issues with your request?

It's not scattering in the traditional sense and from a "green" perspective, having another tree is a good thing right. 

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Being raised a Catholic by an Irish Catholic Mother and a Grandmother who after her husband died became a housekeeper for a Parish Priest, I've been in or seen pictures of some magnificent churches/cathedrals.

  Catholics believe that GOD is all knowing/seeing and all PRESENT.  IF that is the case then sitting in the beauty of a place like the BWCA/Q or any magnifiecent NATURAL cathedral as the sun rises/sets is as CLOSE to God as your ever going to get while still breathing IMHO.

I think that EVERYTIME I have one of those special moments in the Q. Man-Made is beautiful, GOD made is DIVINE.